


Confessions

by CS_impala67



Series: Maybe Life is One Big Chick Flick Moment [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coming Out, Freaked Out Dean Winchester, Insecure Dean Winchester, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Love Confessions, M/M, Supportive Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-05 20:52:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17926157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CS_impala67/pseuds/CS_impala67
Summary: Dean explains to Sam why he hid for so long, not knowing someone else was listening.





	Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> Again I don’t have a beta so please let me know any mistakes I’ve made! And comment what you have liked or anything you want to see in this series. I’m open to suggestions!

“I’ve got time” Sam replied. 

“Alright then sit down and I’ll explain everything”

Sam sat down next to Dean and tried to put on his most supportive face.

“So, I uh, I realized I was gay when I was about 13 I guess. At least somewhere around there. Once puberty started to hit. You know, most guys start looking at girls a little different. I’d hear other guys in school talk about how pretty this girl was, or how much they wanted to kiss her. I never felt that. And honestly, for awhile I just figured I was defective or something. Still do sometimes. Sometimes I wish, more than anything, that I could look at a woman and feel something, ya know” Dean said, rubbing his eyes as he teared up a little. He didn’t want to cry though. He needed to get through this.

“ So anyway, there I was, 13 years old with all the other guys checking out girls. And I felt nothing. But, that was until I saw Ryan McKinney. Man he was cute. I just figured though that any guy could look at another guy and think that though. I didn’t realize the implications at the time. But soon after that, I was in some gas station with Dad and we passed by the magazine rack. You know, Busty Asian Beauties and all that. But there was another magazine there that I realized later was a gay magazine. That one caught my attention. So while Dad wasn’t looking I stole it. Put it under my shirt so no one would see and hid it until Dad left one night to go to a bar. You were like 9 at the time and you fell asleep early. So I figured I had some time before Dad got back. I got in the second bed and started looking through the magazine I stole.  
You can probably figure out what I started doing” Dean said with a chuckle.

Well, unfortunately for me, Dad forgot his wallet. He came back to the hotel room while I was in the middle of, um, well you know.” He said blushing.  
“I jumped when he opened the door and ended up chucking the mag to the side. Dad could tell I was having some alone time and laughed a little. But then he went to pick up the magazine I threw. Sammy. I have never seen Dad go from laughing to pissed off that fast. He dragged me out of bed so fast I barely had time to zip my jeans back up before he threw me outside. He then dragged me into the Impala and just started yelling. Called me a fag. Told me I was a disgrace. He, he, fuck” a few tears escaped Dean’s eyes.  
“ He backhanded me so hard, Sammy, that my head slammed into the window. Fuck. I know you were young, but do you remember back then when Dad said a freaking bird flew into the passenger window on Baby?” Dean asked Sam. 

“ Yeah. Yeah I do. I remember thinking it must have been a huge bird to have splintered the glass that bad.” Sam replied. 

“Yeah, well that bird? That was really my fucking head cracking into the glass from him hitting me. I was so fucking scared Sammy. I’d never seen him that mad. He told me no son of his was a fucking queer. He said if he ever caught me doing something like that again, that he would throw me to a Wendigo so that he never had to look at me again.” By this point Dean was openly crying. Reliving that was harder than his 40 years in hell. 

“I was just so scared Sammy. So I hid that part of myself. Once I was old enough, I started to pick up chicks where Dad could see so he wouldn’t be mad. I realized quick, if I just thought of fucking a guy, and closed my eyes, I could at least fake it sometimes. Didn’t always work out. Sometimes I couldn’t get it up and the girl  
would start to get pissed, so I’d just get her off quick and leave. I got really good at some things I never even wanted to do.” Dean said with a watery laugh. 

 

“Dean! Man I am so sorry you had to deal with all of that. I knew Dad was an asshole, but I never realized why you always tried so hard to please him.” Sam said, astonished at what his brother had to go through. “Why didn’t you tell me? At least after Dad died. Did you think I would judge you? I would never have!”

“I know Sammy. It’s just, after 16 years of hiding by that point, it’s not like it was easy to just come out. I got so used to hiding it that I just kept doing it. There were times I wanted to tell you so bad. And even though, I knew deep down you wouldn’t give a shit, I was just too afraid. What if I was wrong? You were the only family I had left. If I took a chance and told you, and it went bad, I would have been alone. I just, I couldn’t chance it.” 

Sam got up and walked over to Dean. He knelt down in front of him and pulled him into a bone crushing hug. That only made Dean cry harder. Finally, a weight was lifted off his shoulders.

“Dean, you will always be my big brother. You will always be the person I look up to. No matter what, I will always love you. And I don’t care that you are gay. Just promise me one thing.” He said

“What Sammy?l”

“Stop fucking picking up girls and please just start picking up guys like you want to” he said. 

Dean laughed. “Yeah well that was one of the reasons I finally confessed all this. I’m sick of picking up girls when what I have wanted for years is so close.”

“What do you mean?” Sam asked. 

“Just think about it for a minute. Think back over the last 13 years ago and tell me you don’t know what I really want? You can’t have been that oblivious if you thought I was at least Bi” Dean said with a smile. 

A sudden realization hit Sam. “ Cas!” He said with awe. 

“Yeah Sammy. Ever since he walked into that barn 13 years ago, I’ve been trying to hide how I feel. But I’m done hiding. I’m in love with Cas, Sammy.” Dean said. 

“Dean...you are in love with me?” Dean heard Cas say. He turned around wide eyed and there was Cas in the doorway. He panicked. He wasn’t expecting to confront him right now with his feelings. He already felt so raw from admitting everything to Sam. He froze for a second before he ran towards the hallway by his bedroom. Once he got there, he locked the door and sank down in front of it. He didn’t know what to do. He suddenly felt so vulnerable about everything he admitted today. He didn’t know how to face Cas since he heard his confession before Dean was ready for it.


End file.
